


Successive Approximations of a Relationship

by banduraqueen



Series: Another Time, Another Place [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:42:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26995339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banduraqueen/pseuds/banduraqueen
Summary: Buffy and Giles are in love and sometimes that gets complicated.A continuation of "Another Time, Another Place," but if you haven't read that all you need to know is that Buffy and Giles have admitted they love each other and decided to do something about it despite Giles' reservations.
Relationships: Rupert Giles/Buffy Summers
Series: Another Time, Another Place [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970257
Comments: 62
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during "Checkpoint."  
> I *may* add more chapters, but they'll be more about continually answering "What's next?" rather than constructing any sort of plot.

Windows glowed yellow and inviting in the dark night and leaves rustled softly in a cool January breeze. Details stood out more than usual somehow: the twisting shape of old trees they passed, the texture of the pavement in the moonlight. Buffy’s head was buzzing. It was _nice_ being in love. 

She and Giles walked back to his apartment holding hands, fingers interlocked. She lifted their hands and traced his fingers. She watched his expression change. His jaw seemed to tense and his breath quicken a little. 

“What are you thinking?” She asked with a smile.

Giles was thinking he was crazy for going along with this. But then he looked at her, the teasing way she smiled, and he didn’t even want to wait to get home to make love to her. Then he went back to thinking he was crazy. 

“I’m thinking…” he said carefully, “that the Council’s tests start tomorrow morning and you should go to bed.” 

“Be still my heart,” she said dryly. “You just swept me off my feet with the romance there Giles.” 

“This _is_ important.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Buffy said pointedly and sighed. “It would be nice if you help me relax before bed though.” She looked at him with wide, coy eyes. “Then I can be really well-rested for tomorrow.” 

His eyes flickered over her body, and it seemed to Buffy like there was a darkness behind them. Her heart beat faster. She felt nervous. 

“Whatever you want,” he said softly.

She leaned into him as they walked and breathed slowly, trying to calm down. 

***

They got to his door and Buffy stood close as he fumbled a bit with his keys. She looked at the way his hair curled behind his ear, she liked how it did that. She reached up and raked her fingernails through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed. Then he was pulling her close, then kissing her deeply. He pressed her against the door, his tongue drawing on the roof of her mouth, she felt like all her nerve endings were firing. She searched for the doorknob and turned it and they stumbled into the apartment. 

Giles shrugged off his jacket, Buffy undid his tie, unbuttoned his collar. The door closed behind her and she pulled him close, one hand on the back of his head, she kissed his jawline, his neck, she heard him moan softly in her ear, felt his fingers press into her back. Her other hand started on the buttons of his shirt, but he pushed her hand away. He pushed her back against the door and was kissing her again. She tried to unbutton his shirt again, and he took her wrists and pinned them against the wall. 

“Uh, don’t,” he muttered. 

She felt short of breath. He was biting at her ear, at the part of her neck he could get at above her turtleneck sweater.

“I picked the wrong shirt to wear today, huh?” she said nervously. “But, uh, I guess that’s an easy fix.”

He pulled back from her slightly, his eyes darting over her face. She held her breath. 

Neither of them did anything. 

“Let’s go to the couch,” he said. 

“Okay,” she breathed. 

Buffy went and perched on the edge of the couch, but Giles went to the decanter he kept on his counter. He poured himself a drink and shot it back, poured another one. He turned to Buffy. 

Something to help her nerves settle down seemed like a good idea. “Can I have one?” She asked, eying his drink. 

“ _No_ ,” he said decisively. There was no way he was giving alcohol to the 19-year-old he was going to sleep with.

Buffy was taken aback by how stern he was. “Okay, dad,” she muttered. 

Giles froze, his posture tense. 

“—dy?” Buffy continued. “I meant… _daddy,_ ” she said in an attempt to be sexy that was failed from the start. 

“Not helping,” he said tersely. He dropped his eyeglasses onto the coffee table and sat down in the armchair.

“Come sit with me, Giles,” Buffy said quietly. “Things were going really well before I killed the mood there.”

“Were they?” he asked. He turned the glass around in his hands, watching the light reflecting off the facets cut into it. 

She didn’t reply. 

“I’m not ready for this, Buffy,” he admitted quietly. “I want to, but…” 

“Maybe we were going a bit fast, getting a little scary…”

He turned to her, concerned. “Scary?” 

Buffy sighed and her eyes scanned the room like she was looking for the words to explain. “I’ve never seen that side of you. I like it, but it’s like I don’t really know you. And then I remember you’re so much more experienced than me… it’s a little…” Buffy shrugged awkwardly. 

“Oh…” Giles blinked, taken aback, he’d never considered Buffy could be intimidated by him. “Uh… whatever side of me you mean, I’d never want to make you do anything you don’t want to, Buffy. Don’t ever worry about having boundaries.”

“I know.” Buffy smiled weakly, uncomfortable with how serious things had gotten. “Well, what are you so insecure about?” she deflected. 

Giles raised his eyebrows like it should have been obvious. “Your last boyfriend was a super-soldier and I’m forty-six.” He turned back to his glass of alcohol.

If he was looking at Buffy he would have seen her look incredulous. “I’m not expecting you to be like Riley.”

“Still… it’s a little…” he shrugged, mirroring Buffy’s awkwardness. 

“I’ll keep my expectations low for you, Giles. They’re in the ground. Six feet under. My expectations are dead.” 

“Healthy basis for a relationship,” Giles muttered and finished his drink.

Buffy reached out her hand. “Come here.”

He looked at her for a moment before doing as she asked. He sat next to her and she combed her fingers through his hair. He blinked slowly, enjoying the feeling.

“We’ll take it slow,” she said. 

“To be quite honest, I still don’t think we should be doing this at all,” he said quietly. 

“You want me to stop?” she asked, still playing with his hair. 

“Please don’t,” he breathed. 

Buffy smiled gently, amused. “What you want and what you think are very different things, Giles.”

“You’ve summed me up.” 

“So which are you going to go with? What you want or what you think?”

“I suppose I’m letting you decide. Being a bad Watcher.”

Buffy moved closer until her lips were just brushing his, her fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck. “I think you’re a good Watcher.” 

Giles kissed her, briefly and tenderly, and kissed her again, his tongue sliding between her teeth. His lips tasted unpleasantly of whisky, but the way his kisses lit her up made Buffy not really care. 

“Not that I want to stop,” Buffy said eventually, in between kisses, “But it is a big day tomorrow, and I think it’s getting late.”

“Shall I drive you home?”

“Uh…” Buffy’s eyes darted to the empty glass on the coffee table. 

“It wasn’t a lot. I’m good to drive,” Giles said, a little defensive. 

“I’d kinda like to stay over, actually? If you don’t mind? It would help me not worry about tomorrow if I have company.”

He smiled at her fondly. “Okay.” Giles got up from the couch. “Um, would you like some tea?”

Buffy looked puzzled. “No?”

“I usually make tea before bed,” Giles explained. 

“Of course you do,” she said with an amused smirk. 

“Maybe not tonight though...” 

“Can I use your toothbrush?” 

“Oh, I have an extra one,” he said heading towards the bathroom. 

“How often do you have toothbrush guests?” Buffy asked, pouting, and followed him. 

“Not often and not in a long time."

***

In the preceding months Buffy often thought it would be weird to actually get together with Giles, but the oddest part so far turned out to be his bedtime routine.

“Do you always walk around your house while brushing your teeth?” she asked.

Giles was in the midst of collecting used mugs and glasses from around his apartment, and with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth all he could do was look offended. He came back to the bathroom with a pair of pajamas for Buffy to change into and finished with his teeth. 

“I can’t multitask without being criticized?” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “You’re a model of productivity. Now leave please.” And she pushed him out of the bathroom. 

Giles changed into his pajamas and dressing gown thinking about the next morning and getting to the Magic Box on time for the Council’s tests, and it suddenly struck him how _normal_ this seemed.

He heard the bathroom door open and close downstairs. 

“How much time do you need to get ready in the morning?” he called out to Buffy, sitting on the edge of his bed and starting to set his alarm clock. 

“Uh… like half an hour?” 

She came up the stairs, carrying her clothes bundled under her arm, her face scrubbed clean, hair piled on top of her head, and practically swimming in Giles’ pajamas, even with the sleeves and legs rolled up multiple times. Giles thought she looked adorable and perplexingly sexy. 

“Yeah, I know, I’ve killed my sex appeal,” she said, misinterpreting the reason Giles was staring at her. 

“I assure you, you’ve done quite the opposite.”

She smiled, flattered. “You’re a good liar.” 

“You’re sure you want this? Us?” Giles asked awkwardly. “You want us to be, uh, to exist. Us together be a thing that happens?” he utterly failed to clarify.

But she got what he was saying. “Yes. Giles.” She smiled, very amused. 

“Then come here,” he breathed. 

And there was something about the way he said it that jolted Buffy to her core. She walked over slowly and when she was within reach he took the hem of her shirt and pulled her towards him, guided her legs so they were either side of his own, and he kissed her eagerly. She laced her fingers in his hair, kissing him back. He turned to her neck, sucking and biting at her skin, moving down to her clavicle, her chest. She sighed, lowering herself onto his lap and nuzzling the top of his head. His hands travelled up under her shirt, caressing her spine, and he rocked her body against his own, she felt him growing hard. He tipped her onto the bed, kissing her hungrily, undoing the buttons on her shirt. Her breath caught in her throat. 

He pulled back and just looked at her.

“You’re nervous?” he asked, concerned. 

Buffy hesitated. “I think?” she finally said. “Yeah. Sorry.” 

“No, don’t apologize,” Giles said. “My fault, we were going to go slow.” 

“It was good! Good time, just... kinda shy,” she said apologetically, doing up her buttons again. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Giles said, abashed. 

“Can you kiss me again?” 

He did, and Buffy breathed easier. She felt if she could just stay kissing him forever she would be happy.

“We still have to go to sleep at some point,” she said reluctantly. 

Giles’ gaze scanned her face. “Do you want me to help you relax?” he asked softly, and he slid his hand along her stomach, just under her waistband. 

“Okay,” she breathed. 

She leaned back and he kissed her gently as he slid his hand down and started to massage her clit. She smiled and sighed. He continued until she was squirming with pleasure. 

“Kiss me again,” she whispered, and pulled his face towards her own. She kissed him hungrily. She felt him slide his fingers inside her and she gasped. 

He watched her face closely as he thrust and curled his fingers inside her and continued to rub her clit with his thumb, watched the way she moaned and furrowed her brow. 

She pulled his head close again, held him close to her neck; he bit her gently, and then harder as her body went into spasms. 

“Oh god,” she cried softly. She started laughing. “I can’t feel my feet. Giles, stop.” She was giggling uncontrollably now. 

He slowed down but didn’t stop.

“My hands are tingly and I can’t feel my feet!” 

He grinned at her, his eyes glinting. 

“I’m not kidding, stop," she laughed.

He finally did and she pulled him down on top of her and kissed him. 

“I have to do something for you now.” She smiled. 

“No, you have to go to sleep,” he said firmly.

“That’s not fair.”

“You can make it up to me later .”

“I will. Future Buffy has plans for you.” 

“Future Giles is excited.” 

She leaned in to kiss him, but Giles held her back. 

“Please go to sleep.”

Reluctantly, but with a smile, Buffy curled up against him and quickly fell asleep. 

  
  


***

Buffy awoke as the apartment was growing light the next morning. She was very comfy. Giles’ bed was bigger than hers and even when sharing it with someone it felt roomy. She was dreading the alarm going off. She felt like she was right where she belonged. 

She turned to Giles and ran her fingers along his unshaven face. His stubble was surprisingly soft. His eyelids fluttered but didn’t open. She pressed her lips against his, and he murmured something unintelligible. 

“Wake up, Giles,” she whispered and kissed him again. It was almost strange how happy she was, she hadn’t felt like this in a long time, and she wanted Giles to be awake for it. 

“What time is it?” he muttered, his eyes still closed. 

“I dunno, but the alarm hasn’t gone off yet.”

“So we can sleep more?”

“Giles!” she exclaimed indignantly. She kissed him insistently, sliding her tongue into his mouth, she kissed him until he was kissing her back, wrapping his arms around her, his cock hard against her thigh.

“Okay, I’m awake,” he said with a drowsy smile. “What do you want?”

“Pay attention to me!” Her eyes sparked mischievously; she had an idea. She pushed the covers off of her and started unbuttoning her pajamas. 

Giles’ eyes opened wide now, he propped himself up on his elbow and reached out to caress her skin, but she pushed his hand away.

She grinned at him. “Just watch for now.”

He did as she said. 

She stripped off her shirt and slipped off her pants, and stretched out on top of the sheets, enjoying the look on Giles’ face, the way his eyes darted over her body. She would have drawn out the moment more, but she remembered they had limited time.

“Okay… Now you can move.” 

In an instant he was on top of her, kissing her and running his hands over her breasts and pressing his erection against her cunt. He slid down her body, sucking hard on her breasts and slipping his fingers inside her. Buffy thought he was planning to make her come again like he had the night before, but that wasn’t exactly what she wanted right now. She entwined her fingers in his hair, dragged his face up to her own and kissed him. 

“Take off your pjs, Giles.”

“Um, are you on something?”

“What?”

“For protection—”

“Oh! Birth control! Yeah, just say what you mean, Giles,” she said impatiently.

She pulled his shirt off over his head and he kicked off his pants, and she held him close, kissing his neck, biting his shoulder, it felt good, his skin hot against her own, she gasped when he thrust into her. 

“Oh god,” he said. He kissed her and breathed against her lips, “God you feel good, Buffy.” And he rocked back and forth. 

“You can go harder,” she said. 

He pulled a pillow over and slid it under her hips, and thrust into her hard. She felt like something was lighting up in her brain, and she clutched at his skin. He continued, steadily and consistently, until Buffy writhed with tears in her eyes, and he tensed and relaxed, and collapsed next to her, covering her with kisses. 

“Good morning.” She smiled. 

He smiled back. “Good morning.” Then he was suddenly concerned. “What time _is_ it anyways?”

He looked at the clock and his face fell. Immediately he got out of bed, pulling his dressing gown on. “I didn’t actually finish setting the alarm last night.”

 _“What?!”_

“I got distracted,” he muttered under his breath.

Buffy rolled out of bed and started pulling on her clothes. “That’s _your_ fault, not mine.” 

“We still have time,” Giles said, trying to ameliorate the blame, “but we have to hurry.”

“Ugh, and the day started so well.”

“It’s all downhill from here.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I am continuing this :P

They could have left in 10 minutes, but Giles spent far too long searching for his keys before realizing he had left them in the door the night before. 

"We still have time," he repeated as he started his car. "Let's quickly get you something to eat." 

"No, drive me home, I need to change." 

Giles glanced at what Buffy was wearing. "You can't fight in that?" 

"I'd rather not have to _work out_ in a _sweater_ , Giles," Buffy snapped. 

Giles grimaced and drove to Buffy's house.

He pulled into the driveway and Buffy hopped out. 

"Come on, Giles!"

"I'll, uh, I'll just keep th-the engine going," he said uncomfortably, staying where he was.

Buffy rolled her eyes but didn't waste time arguing. She rushed inside, slamming the door behind her. 

"Buffy, is that you?" Joyce called out. She walked into the front hall from the living room. "Oh good, I was worried!"

"Sorry, mom!" Buffy said, starting up the stairs. "You know, those vamps start coming and they don't stop coming."

"You were fighting vampires all night?" She sounded horrified. "That's a lot, right? Should I be concerned?"

"No, not _all_ night," Buffy backtracked. "Just really late, so I crashed at Giles' place. You know, it was closer." 

"Oh… Good."

"Sorry. I should have called. I just have to rush now,” she explained, talking quickly and edging up the stairs. “He's waiting for me, we have to be at the Magic Box in a minute for the obstacle course or whatever it is the Council wants to subject me to." And she ran the rest of the way to her room. 

*

Giles knew checking his watch repeatedly wouldn't make Buffy come back out any faster yet he kept checking it. The front door opened and he breathed a sigh of relief, but that relief turned to anxiety when it was Joyce who came outside rather than Buffy. He faked a smile. 

"Good morning!"

She smiled back at him. "You won't wait inside?" 

Giles shook his head apologetically. "We have to hurry." He looked back at the door, and hoped Joyce was just passing by on the way to her own car. 

"How are you doing?" She was there to chat. 

"Well you know, the Council isn't helping my stress levels, and along with Buffy staying out all night..." he said, trying to explain what had happened, though Joyce hadn't asked for an explanation. 

"She didn't sleep over?"

"Oh... a couple of hours, hardly anything,” he revised.

"I've been wanting to tell you," Joyce said turning earnest, "With everything that's been happening," she indicated her head, "it's helped knowing that you're here for my girls, for Buffy."

He tried his best to keep smiling. He felt like dying. "It's what I do."

The front door slammed, Buffy was bounding towards the car. She gave her mother a quick hug and jumped into the passenger seat without opening the door. Giles shot her an irritated look that she ignored. 

"Let's ride!"

*

"Did _not_ like that," Giles said emphatically once they were away from the house. 

Buffy had a makeup bag open on her lap and was dabbing on concealer, looking into the passenger-side mirror. "We'll get used to it," she muttered. "Not like we've never lied to my mom before." She pulled out her mascara. 

Giles glanced at her and cringed as she raised the wand to her eye. "Should you be doing that?" he asked nervously. 

"I know what I'm doing," she insisted. She turned to Giles. "What _is_ a stevedore anyways?" 

"It's a dockworker," Giles muttered. 

"What?" she said, confused. Nothing had been clarified. 

Giles cleared his throat and checked his watch. "I'm buying you breakfast."

"If we have some time I'd rather be early," Buffy said. 

"We'll go to a drive-through." 

Buffy made a face. "I'm not eating a McMuffin."

"As your Watcher I think you'll fight better if you eat something."

"As my _boyfriend_ you're out of line." 

Giles opened his mouth to reply and then closed it again, flummoxed. He furrowed his brow in consternation and stepped on the gas. 


	3. Chapter 3

Evidently the Council considered being early a useful form of intimidation. Buffy and Giles weren’t late after all, but Travers and his entourage were there waiting for them at the Magic Box, looking impatient. By the time her first test was over Buffy was feeling like they shouldn’t have tried so hard to be on time anyhow; it couldn’t have gone much worse if they hadn’t shown up at all. And she couldn’t even be relieved that at least it was over: there were more tests to come that evening. 

The Watchers filed out of the training room, leaving Buffy and Giles to be sullen together. Giles paced methodically while Buffy watched him, twisting the cloth she had been blindfolded with in her hands.

"What do you think they'll ask me?"

"It doesn't matter. It's obvious now, they don't intend for you to pass,” he said bitterly. He glanced at Buffy and saw she was taken aback. "That was ridiculous and useless,” he explained. “No one would train a Slayer that way.”

"What are we going to do? We need them." 

"We'll think of something." He stopped pacing. His eyes darted over the room without focusing on anything. "Hopefully they'll be happy demonstrating their superiority with their idiotic tests, and that will be that."

Buffy walked over to the couch and slouched onto it with a sigh. "I can't believe you were one of them."

"I was never a Council bureaucrat. There's always been a disconnect between _them_ and the Watchers in the field,” Giles said adamantly. “I'm sure you noticed when you were reading the Watcher Diaries."

"I noticed they were wordy," Buffy said bluntly. 

Giles shrugged to indicate she wasn’t wrong. "You have to read between the lines with those ones, they’re the ones they let us have."

"What do you mean? Are there secret diaries?"

“Not _per se_ —” Giles started, then stopped, looking thoughtful. “Actually… I’m not sure how many do know about them…”

“Expand, Giles?”

He scratched the back of his head and started pacing again. "I've told you my grandmother had a stint in Travers' job, haven't I?"

"No," Buffy said, surprised. “You’re dynasty material, Giles.” 

He grimaced ruefully. “I squandered my chance to benefit from nepotism in my twenties.”

“Such a rebel.”

“I was,” he said with a shrug and a self-deprecating look. “At thirteen I was very angry at my destiny. So my grandmother gave me a Watcher's Diary to read. Not like the others, compellingly written. This Watcher was not at all a suitable role model for me, he was adventurous and fool-hardy, but she just wanted to get me excited about being a Watcher in the first place. And it nearly worked. I read it like a novel, and since it was very clear, even to me at thirteen, that the Watcher and his Slayer were in love, I was expecting a happy ending for them... somehow.” He shook his head, thinking of his past self. “Of course it just ended.” His breath caught in his throat a little. “I snuck into her office and took another Watcher's diary to read, hoping for something to go differently, if not a happy ending, a less tragic one. And then I read another one, and another..."

"They were just in her office?” Buffy asked, a little puzzled. “They weren't sent to the Watcher?" 

Giles nodded slowly. "And they disappeared when her term was up. I didn't even think about it at the time. Each of those diaries was about falling in love, in some sense — platonically, chivalrously, romantically — with the Slayers.” He looked at Buffy, and spoke quietly and deliberately. “Can't have active Watchers think it's normal to have feelings for the Slayer. The Council requires our undivided loyalty." 

Buffy sat up straighter. "That's how we pass their tests. With loyalty. That's what they want." 

Giles’ jaw tightened. He looked grim. 

"We're going to fail," Buffy said plainly. 

Giles smiled. He was proud of her, her refusal to be cowed by the Council, he loved her intensely, and it showed in a fierce gleam in his eyes. 

The way Giles looked at her made Buffy’s stomach twist pleasantly. But the question of the Council remained between them. "What are we going to do?"

Giles sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He sat down next to Buffy. "There’s always physical threats.” 

“Be serious.”

“I am.” Giles cracked a smile but his eyes had a determination to them that said he wasn’t quite kidding. 

Buffy smiled back wanly. “They’ll just take you away.”

“I’ll come back.”

“How?”

“I’ll find a way.” 

“Hm. Reassuring,” Buffy said sarcastically. She leaned her head on his shoulder and held his hand in her own. “We almost had a plan there.” 

Giles thought they still had a plan. Getting the Council’s information on Glory was the most important thing right now, and if that meant sacrificing his green card, that might be a loss they’d have to take. Though the thought of leaving made him feel like his lungs were constricting. He pressed his lips to the top of Buffy’s head and felt her squeeze his hand. “We’ll figure it out,” he said, and he was glad with how confident he sounded. 

“We’ll have to,” she replied and turned her face to his.

He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose. She smiled genuinely and kissed him back. Then they were getting lost in each others’ kisses. She climbed onto his lap and he held her body close to his own, and tangled his fingers in her hair. They made love, both of them with the knowledge of how tenuous their time together was at the front of their minds. And when Buffy gripped him tight and gasped _“I love you”_ in his ear Giles thought of the love story that had scared him so thirty-three years ago, and how he was rewriting it in his own diary. 


	4. Chapter 4

The day after the Council left, Buffy explained to her friends that Dawn was the Key. And then she explained again — some of them were having trouble grasping the idea. She wouldn't have minded explaining a third time, but there was still so much she didn't understand herself and it felt futile answering their questions with "I don't know," and "this is just how it is." Eventually there was nothing else to say about it. They all left the Magic Box together. 

"Oh cool, the outside world still exists," Xander said, stepping outside and looking around. It wasn't too late yet and people passed them on the sidewalk, hurrying home for the night. "After all of that I was having my doubts."

"It's a brain bend, I know," Buffy said sympathetically. 

Willow brightened up suddenly. "All the more reason to go ahead with your birthday party!"

As Giles finished locking up the rest of them started slowly wending their way along the sidewalk, Buffy, Willow and Tara walking together and Anya and Xander behind them. 

Buffy frowned. "I don't follow this Willow logic."

"In this warped time we could use a hit of normalcy. And what's more normal than having a party for your birthday?" 

Buffy looked unconvinced.

"I'm sure Dawn won't complain about an excuse to party," Willow added. 

Buffy rolled her eyes, but smiled at Willow. "Fine, if you insist on showering me with presents and cake, who am I to say no?"

Willow smiled and waggled her head, pleased with herself. "Yay."

Tara kissed her on the cheek. "You always know how to get your way." She smiled. 

Buffy fell back to walk besides Giles, he seemed lost in thought. She deliberately bumped into him to get his attention, and he turned to her curiously. "You'll be at my party, right?" she asked. 

"If you like." He tried to sound confident, but his voice was a bit higher than usual. 

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him. "We're normal around them," she reassured him under her breath, indicating her friends walking ahead of them. "We can be normal around my mom. You have nothing to worry about." 

Giles just nodded and gave her a brief smile. 

Ahead of them Willow and Tara were walking arm-in-arm. Xander had his arm draped over Anya's shoulders. Buffy slipped her hand into Giles' and held it tight for a moment before letting go and catching up with her friends. 

***

As Buffy's presents piled up any doubts about having a birthday party were driven from her mind. She was surrounded by her friends and family, everyone was having a good time, she was eating lots of junk food — Willow had been right, this was just what she needed. 

Buffy turned to Giles with a grin, holding out her hands for a present. "You're the last one up, Giles. Better be good!" Her smile diminished when he gave her a heavy, rectangular gift. She tested its weight in her hand. "Gonna go out on a limb here and guess it's a book."

"Ah, but you'd be wrong..."

Buffy unwrapped the present. "It's _two_ books." She looked at Giles incredulously. 

"They're about the Krevaveh Vampire Wars in the fifteenth century Balkans, I thought they would be useful for your studies," he explained with a good-natured shrug.

"Just what I was hoping for... homework," she complained with a smile to show she was _mostly_ kidding. 

"You do know she’s out of high school, right?" Xander jibed. 

Buffy almost laughed. She caught Giles’ eye, he looked slightly appalled. She turned back to her friends and smiled brightly. "I love all my presents equally. Now let's party."

*

Giles spent most of the party talking to Joyce, as if to prove that he could. Buffy was glad he had gotten over his nerves but was starting to feel neglected. 

Xander seemed to notice her looking distracted. "Any word from Riley?" He asked gently. 

"What?" Buffy replied, turning her attention to Xander and Anya, both of them looking at her sympathetically. "No. Uh, I wasn't expecting anything though. He's in deepest darkest jungles. It's better this way anyhow. Don't need reminders."

Anya nodded in agreement. "Who needs men."

Buffy cracked a smile seeing Xander turn to his girlfriend with his eyebrows raised. "Not me," she replied.

Anya smiled at her in encouragement. "A useless bunch." 

"I'm _right_ here," Xander said. 

"What I _do_ need is refreshments, excuse me." And Buffy ducked away. 

"I'm trying to make her feel better," Anya whispered defensively as she left.

Buffy joined her mom and Giles in the kitchen. She edged around them to pour herself some water. They were talking about what they had learned, and hadn’t learned, from the Council about the Key. Definitely not a party conversation, but worrying about Dawn was just a routine part of Buffy’s day now. And it didn’t help when she saw Dawn hovering in the dining room. 

"Dawn?" she called. "What are you doing in there? Party getting slow?" 

Dawn held up a stack of plates. "Uh, cake time!" And she walked off. 

Buffy stared after Dawn and worried about how much she overheard, and nearly jumped when Giles touched her arm.

She turned to him sharply.

"Um, can we talk outside for a minute?" he asked. 

"Yeah, of course," she said, now very concerned. She followed him outside. It was a cool night and she wrapped her arms around herself. "What's wrong?" 

Giles exhaled like he had been holding his breath, his posture visibly relaxed. “Nothing,” he said, and when he looked at her his eyes gleamed. "You look lovely." 

Buffy laughed with relief. "Thanks. You didn't have to give me a heart attack to tell me that though." 

"I didn't mean to," he said apologetically. He pulled a small box from his pocket. "Um, happy birthday." 

"Oh thank god you didn't just get me books!" she exclaimed, taking the present.

“I’m not completely clueless.”

She opened the box. It held a delicate gold necklace with a pendant of two interlocking rings. It shone in the yellow light from the kitchen door. Buffy stared at it, struck by the fact that Giles was buying her jewellery. It made their relationship seem more serious somehow, like she should be taking it more seriously, like she should be careful.

"I kept the receipt," Giles started explaining, filling the silence. "They don't do returns, but you can exchange it if—"

“No, it’s sweet, Giles. Thank you.”

He smiled, relieved. 

She stepped towards him, her face turned upwards, but he stepped away from her with a glance at the door. Buffy heard it open behind her. She turned around and Anya was there, looking annoyed.

"Giles, stop distracting Buffy from her party. We need her to eat cake." And she went back inside. 

Buffy sighed and cast Giles a rueful look. He looked stiff and tense again. 

"I'll thank you properly later," Buffy whispered and they followed Anya inside.

*

Everyone was awkward after Dawn stormed off to her room, angry at them all for whatever it was she thought they were hiding from her. Buffy was upset by Dawn’s outburst, and by the fact that she was noticing that her friends weren’t acting normal around her, but there wasn’t much she could do besides let Dawn be angry. Between telling her the truth, lying to her, or doing nothing there was really only one option. 

Willow put on some music and they all tried to get back to enjoying the party. Willow and Tara, and Xander and Anya danced together while Buffy, Giles, and Joyce talked on the sidelines. 

"It's a fascinating history..." Giles insisted about the books he had given Buffy.

"I believe you," Buffy sighed, exasperated. "I'll read them, I promise." 

"And you'll see that I'm right."

Joyce seemed distracted, she kept glancing towards the second floor. "I should check on Dawn," she said.

"Give her some time to cool down,” Buffy suggested.

Joyce sighed. "Well I'm going to get a drink then. Do either of you want one?"

"I'm good," Buffy said. Giles just shook his head. 

When she left Buffy turned to Giles. "See, _she_ lets me drink."

Giles stared at her, speechless. 

Buffy didn’t notice, she looked past him and watched her friends dancing, and tapped her foot to the music. 

"Oh hell with it," she muttered and turned to Giles. "Dance with me."

“Um…” He shifted his weight uncomfortably. 

"Platonic dancing, completely safe. Doctor tested, mother approved." 

Giles still looked hesitant, but brightened a little when he got an idea. "I can show you some dance steps," he suggested.

"I'll take it," she said brightly and stood up straighter. 

Buffy tried not to laugh as Giles took her hand and held her very formally. His eyes sparked back, but he kept a straight face. 

"Alright, you are going to start with your right foot," he said, and pushed her back gently. "Right, left, now quick to the side, right, left." He acted very professionally. 

"Got it." Buffy found that she was starting to take him seriously. 

"Now in time to the music." And he nodded along to the beat. 

"Right... left... right, left," Buffy said to the tempo as Giles led her across the floor. 

"Good. Now just stick with that pattern and go along with me." His professionalism slipped a little and his eyes glittered at her. 

He changed directions and Buffy didn't miss a beat. She beamed, happy with herself. Then he spun her out, and she laughed. She hadn't expected it, but she was staying in time. She spun back, and landed close in his arms. 

Giles let go of her like he'd been burned. He stepped back, right into the coffee table, knocking the books off of it with a thud. 

Everyone turned to him.

"Ooh, are you okay?" Joyce asked, coming back into the living room. 

"I'm fine." He smiled jovially, though he was turning red. "I'm going to get a drink after all." 

"Don’t you think you've had enough?" Xander joked, and Giles pointedly ignored him.

Buffy followed him into the kitchen. 

*

"Are you sure you're okay? That sounded painful." 

"I'm fine." Giles said lightly. He poured himself a glass of wine and took a drink. His shin was stinging where he walked into the table but he ignored it. 

Buffy raised an eyebrow skeptically at him. She really did look lovely, the way her hair shone softly in the warm incandescent light. He wanted to really dance with her, the way she wanted to dance. "I wish I was younger," he said. 

Buffy gave him a comforting smile. "I’ve seen you when you were younger. You weren’t my type," she teased.

Then he wanted to go away with her, somewhere where it wouldn't matter, where no one knew them. He almost said it aloud, but stopped himself. He was being selfish. She was satisfied with how things were. And there were too many more important things going on for him to be moping like this. 

Just a weekend, maybe. A weekend in L.A. He could ask for that. But even a weekend could be too long right now. 

When this was over, when Glory was defeated. He would make up a reason for them to go away. Now that they were back with the Council he could easily find an excuse to go to England for a week or two. But there was something about lying to get Buffy on her own that made him feel sick with himself. Of course they’d always lied, but that was a matter of duty and saving the world. This was a base and selfish lie, because he wanted her. 

That was what their entire relationship had been: lies and stolen moments. 

"We'll have a party of two at your place later," Buffy whispered to him. "You can show me more dance moves."

He smiled at her and wished he wasn’t in love. 


	5. Chapter 5

Being out on a normal patrol, fighting regular vampires and not a hellgod, felt almost too easy. It was a welcome break. Buffy had to remind herself not to get too comfortable, Glory could be back already for all she knew. Willow had no idea where she teleported her to from the hospital — it might have been Antarctica, it might have been down the block. For now Buffy chose to believe it was Antarctica. 

Buffy wished she had worn a warmer coat. She had been so worried about Dawn lately she found it hard to think about anything else. But things were finally starting to normal out. She could start thinking about herself again. She realized she was wandering near Giles' apartment, and since the vampires weren't coming out to play she decided to see if he was still awake. After all, she had promised at her birthday party that she would visit him soon and she didn't want to be a liar. 

He had given her a key to his apartment, and as she neared his place she pulled it out of her pocket and turned it over in her hands. They hadn't actually been on a date yet, not since they went for Thai food, but that didn't count because Giles hadn't known they were on a date then. Buffy thought maybe she should suggest they do something together. But they already saw each other every day, and she was happy with how casual and comfortable they were. 

She got to his door and unlocked it. 

"Hello?" she said, poking her head through the door. Rock music was playing at a respectable volume on the record player.

Giles was sitting in the living room, he looked up from the book he was reading with a bright smile. "Buffy! I wasn't expecting you!" He put his book down and got up to greet her, running a hand over his hair. 

Buffy didn't mind Giles' musical taste, but thought the song that was playing was a bit of a downer. She didn't say anything about it though and hung her coat by the door. "That was the idea behind the key, right? Dropping by unexpected?" 

"Yes, I’m certainly not complaining." His eyes shone at her, but his eyes were a bit unfocused, and his gait was a bit unsteady. 

"You okay, Giles?" she asked.

He combed his fingers through her hair. "Mm. Now you're here." 

There was a purr to his voice that made Buffy's insides knot up. Then he kissed her and he tasted like whisky.

She pulled back. "You're drinking," she said, disappointed. 

Giles shrugged. "I'm more fun when I'm drinking." He cocked his head and continued to brush his hands over her hair. "That's why you're here, right? For fun?" 

Buffy hesitated. "We could just hang out, spend some time..." she trailed off. He had started to caress her neck and it was distracting. 

"Whatever you like." His voice was low and he watched her face closely, a smile playing on his lips. He ran his fingers up and down her neck. 

"You're not drunk, are you?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Mm..." She closed her eyes and tilted her head to one side. "Then I'd like you to not stop doing that."

He leaned into her and kissed her neck, and she wrapped her arms around him. 

"You can go harder than that," she whispered.

He bit her, not sharply, but like he was gnawing on her neck. She moaned softly and dug her fingers into his back. He pressed her body close to his and walked her backwards until they were at the foot of the stairs. Buffy felt like a rag doll, like her brain had been switched off, and she was happy to leave it that way. His hands snaked up under her sweater, his nails dragging along her spine. He pulled her top off over her head and pushed her up a couple of stairs so he didn't have to bend over to kiss her breasts. Buffy curled over him, holding his head close to her, she liked how soft his hair felt against her skin. He tried to unhook her bra without much luck and she suppressed a laugh. He sighed, exasperated, and, holding her by her shoulders turned her around. He slipped her bra off and wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her spine between her shoulders. 

"Oh, that's nice," Buffy sighed. All the nerve endings on her back were tingling. 

He slid his hand down her pants and started to rub her clit, still kissing and biting at her back. She had to support herself against the wall. She felt his cock brush against her. She reached back and stroked it through his trousers. He sighed, soft and low in her ear. 

He stepped away from her for a moment to take off his pants, and Buffy started taking off her own, and thought about going upstairs to the bed; before she was done he was back and finished peeling her clothes off of her. He wrapped an arm around her again and continued to massage her clitoris. 

"Don't stop kissing me there," she whispered, and Giles kissed the base of her neck, sucked blue marks into her skin. She couldn't stand anymore, she knelt on the stairs, hard on her knees, but she didn't want him to stop long enough for them to move. 

With his other hand he jacked himself off until he was solid. He pressed his cock into her cunt gradually, then he thrust into her, making Buffy swear. 

"Uh, I've never heard you curse like that," he said in her ear, surprised.

"Well you've never done that to me," she said breathlessly. 

He kept pressing her clit with one hand and squeezed her breast with the other, and each time he drove into her he hit a part of her that made her feel like she was about to split open, until she felt like she had, like she was about to die and she wanted him to stop, but she didn't ask him to. He came, and Buffy wished they had made it to the bedroom because she needed to lie down properly. She climbed up the stairs and crawled into Giles' bed. He joined her a minute later.

He was still wearing his shirt and boxers. 

Buffy tsked at him. "You're overdressed, Giles." 

He leaned over her and kissed her deeply. "You can fix that," he said when he pulled away. 

She gently pushed him onto his back and started undoing his buttons. 

"I was not expecting that when I came over tonight," she said. 

Giles smiled tentatively, his eyes scanning her face. "Um... a good surprise?"

"Yeah, it was good, dummy," she said with an incredulous smile. "But next time we... do what we do, you need to let me do more." She finished with his buttons and pushed his shirt off his shoulders. "You make me feel like I'm not pulling my weight." 

Giles pulled his arms out of his shirt and threw it onto the floor. "I'm not complaining." He grinned. "I'm also not stopping you. You're more than capable of making me do what you want." 

Buffy cocked her head. "I guess I am..." She ran her hand along his chest, from his sternum to his shoulder, and pressed down, as if to hold him down. His pupils dilated and he held his breath. Then she seemed to get nervous and settled down next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. "Maybe I'm just used to you being the one telling me what to do." 

She didn't see the anxious look that flitted across Giles' face. "Um, since when do you do what I tell you?" he said, keeping a nervous tone out of his voice. 

"Since it's what I want to do anyways." She propped herself up on her elbows and looked at Giles. "Go ahead, give me instructions." 

He hesitated. "I like you making your own decisions." 

"Hm." She kissed him. "What a bad Watcher." 

"True." 

"Come on," Buffy urged him playfully, "it's like a challenge now. I'll do whatever you say."

If Giles had been drunk before it seemed like he was sobering up now. "Stay with me," was all he asked.

"Too easy." She kissed him, and he held her close, and she spent the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Giles woke up the next morning alone and with a headache. He had two extra-strength Tylenols and a finger of scotch with his breakfast and it helped. He drove to the Magic Box, a day of researching ways to fight Glory and not finding anything to look forward to. And he worried about Buffy. He assumed she had to be home early so as not to concern her mother, but he wished she'd left a note. 

He'd always worried about Buffy, of course, always had a voice at the back of his head reminding him that one of her patrols would be her last. Over the years, however, as she defeated apocalypse after apocalypse he'd been able to ignore that voice more and more, fooling himself into believing that Buffy would be the exception to all the Slayers that had come before her. Lately though that voice was back, and more insistent than ever. Every day he had to make an effort to remember that tearing himself up with worry wasn't going to help anyone. All he could do to help was do his job. 

The early afternoon was one of the quietest parts of the day at the Magic Box. Giles could spread out his books on the counter and read without being seriously disturbed until the five o'clock rush. He was surprised when he looked up at the sound of the doorbell and saw Buffy walking in. 

"Buffy! It's not time for training yet, is it?" He checked his watch and walked out from behind the counter. 

"Class was cancelled." She glanced around the store, confirming it was empty. "And I felt guilty for ducking out early this morning. I thought I could make it up to you. Help research." She walked up close to Giles, backing him up against the counter. "Or spend some otherwise quality time." 

He looked intently at her. They should research, they really should, but his brain had a way of shorting out when Buffy was near. 

There was a noise at the basement door and Anya emerged carrying a box of paper shopping bags. Buffy backed away and Giles returned to behind the counter. 

"Don't let me interrupt," Anya said, putting the box down next to the cash register.

"You're not interrupting anything," Giles replied lightly. "Buffy just came in to help research."

Buffy pulled one of Gile's books towards her and started flipping through it.

"Okay..." Anya made a face that showed she didn't believe him but also didn't get why he was lying. She started transferring the bags to their space under the counter and then stopped. She scrunched up her face thoughtfully and looked at them. "Are you two having sex together or something?" 

Buffy and Giles stared at her. She looked back and forth between them.

"That is both offensive and ridiculous," Giles finally replied with as much decorum as he could muster. 

Anya raised her eyebrows at him. "I have seen lots of men _think_ they're hiding a secret affair and I know what it looks like," she said defensively and continued putting away the bags. "If you don't have a secret affair you have a secret something else."

"Again, offensive. And also nonsense," Giles said stiffly. His heart was racing, but he could lie their way out of this. He glanced at Buffy, she was staring anxiously at Anya. He wished she would be more self-aware. 

Anya seemed utterly unconcerned with how her commentary was affecting Giles and Buffy. She finished with the bags and started breaking down the cardboard box. "You two have been whispering together a _lot_ recently. I was telling Xander—"

" _Don't_ tell Xander!" Buffy exclaimed suddenly, her eyes wide with alarm. 

Giles felt like his heart just dropped out of his body and sunk six feet into the ground. “Oh christ,” he muttered. 

"Aha!" Anya wagged her finger at him. "You were making me doubt my abilities and I was right!"

 _"Please_ don't tell anyone about this, Anya," Buffy begged. 

"It is kinda weird, isn't it?" Anya said thoughtfully.

Giles walked out from behind the counter, needing some space. He watched Buffy argue with Anya. Anya didn’t seem to be reacting too poorly, he told himself. The situation wasn’t lost. 

"Not even," Buffy insisted. "You're hundreds of years older than Xander."

"Over a thousand," Anya corrected her. "But also I never taught him high school."

Giles felt like he couldn't breathe. He heard the doorbell ring and looked up. Tara was walking into the store. He forced himself to smile. 

"Hey, is Willow around?" she asked cheerfully. 

"No. Doesn't she have class?" Giles replied, hoping desperately that Anya would drop the topic. 

"Not on Thursday—"

"Do _you_ think it's weird that Buffy and Giles are sleeping together?" Anya asked.

Giles' heart was back in his chest now but it had stopped. He stared at Tara, watching her reaction. She was dumbstruck. 

"Which we aren't even!" Buffy insisted unconvincingly.

"We were just talking about it!" Anya said.

Giles hadn't taken his eyes off Tara. He watched her turn to Buffy, her brow knit in concern. "Buffy, are you okay?" 

Giles couldn't stand being there anymore. He left. 

*

Buffy watched Giles walk out of the Magic Box, shocked by him simply leaving. She wanted to go after him, but Tara was looking at her with deep concern, Buffy needed to stay and explain. She hated that she had to explain. 

She turned Tara. "I'm fine. I know it's weird, that's why we were keeping it secret, but we're happy, he makes me happy. Can you please not tell anyone?" 

Tara hesitated. "If that's what you want... But Buffy, why do you need to keep it secret if you're fine with it?" 

Buffy threw up her hands "Because of this." She appreciated that Tara cared about her but she was bristling under her concern. "I know what they'll think and what they'll say, and I just can't deal with it. I don't want to deal with it. It's nice right now. We're in love and it's nice. I want to keep it that way." 

Tara scanned Buffy's face, her worry diminished but didn't disappear. "I understand," she said. 

"Thank you," Buffy said sincerely. She turned to Anya. "Anya? You won't tell anyone will you?"

Anya seemed to have realized that the situation was more serious than she originally took it to be. "If it's that important to you, of course I won't."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.

"But you really have to be more discreet," Anya added. 

Buffy looked at Anya incredulously and tried very hard to keep the sarcasm out of her voice when she replied, "Thanks for the tip." And she left to follow Giles.

His car was gone. She went to his apartment, letting herself in, but it was empty. Buffy paced around trying to think of where Giles would go, what he could be doing. She heard a key in the lock and turned to the door to see Giles come in. He stopped for a moment, surprised to see her. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then seemed to think better of it. 

"Where were you? I was worried!" Buffy asked. 

"I was just driving." His voice was calm, like he was trying very hard to be calm, but everything else about him was agitated. He walked over to the decanter on the counter and poured himself a drink. 

"You don't need that," Buffy said.

"I rather feel like I do," he said in the same too-calm voice. 

"I talked to them, Giles, they're not going to tell anyone. It's fine."

He nodded to indicate he heard her, though what she said didn't seem to make a difference to him. "It's only a matter of time until everyone else finds out." He finished his drink and poured another one.

"If that happens then I'll talk to them too. And..." She hesitated. "And it will be weird for a while but it will be okay." Buffy realized she didn't quite believe what she was saying. 

She wasn't surprised when Giles shrugged like he didn't believe her either. But he didn't argue the point. "I'm not worried about your friends. I'm worried about your mother." 

"I've lied to her for years about stuff. She's not going to find out." Buffy felt a bit more confident about that. 

"That doesn't help. That makes her more right." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I know exactly what she's going to say. And I think she's right." His voice started to crack through his forced calm. "I'm responsible for you. You deserve better than this and it's my responsibility to say no. But I'm not. I'm taking advantage of you." 

Buffy gaped, taken aback and offended. "Like I'm some kid? Like I haven't made decisions on my own?" 

Giles didn't argue with her, but looked resolved. He reminded her of Angel telling her she deserved more. She felt panic rising in her chest. 

"Why don't you want anyone to know about us?" he asked her. 

"Because I don't need everyone acting all weird and judgy,” Buffy snapped defensively. “I want you without all that. I like things how they are now. If they knew it would all change." She had never thought through before how exactly things might change, and now every scenario was playing in her head. She thought about how worried Tara seemed even as she promised to keep her secret, how even Anya said they were weird. Xander and Willow would be worse, especially Xander. He always had opinions on who she dated. And her mom. That would be the worst of all. Of course her mom wouldn't stand for it. "They're all going to be mad at you," Buffy realized. She started nodding, agreeing with Giles, agreeing that he had reason to be worried. "They'll be mad at you, and they'll shut you out..." Tears were gathering in her eyes.

He looked at her sadly. "I don't want to..." He had trouble finishing the sentence. He started again, speaking softly, "I don't want to break up. I just want to stay in your life."

He wanted to be in her life. Not adjacent to it with everyone else important to her hating him. 

Tears were running down her face now. "That's what I want too." 

***

Things were almost normal between Buffy and Giles after that. But instead of casting stolen glances at her whenever he could, Giles avoided looking at Buffy. Their training sessions were almost too professional. Buffy went to bed lonely and thought about how unfair it was when there was someone who loved her that she could be with instead; but she couldn’t bring herself to ask Giles to risk it, to trade the place he held now in her life for being her lover.

A couple of weeks passed. Buffy arrived at the Magic Box for training and found Willow there talking to Giles about new spells she was experimenting with. Her friend looked up cheerfully as she approached. 

“Hey Buffy, ready for some shin-digging tonight?” There was a tropical-themed party happening at the college that night. 

“Oh, I’d forgotten! Mom has a date tonight and someone has to watch Dawn.”

Willow glanced at Giles. “Well, someone’s right here you can ask.”

Buffy hesitated, but Giles interjected, “I can mind Dawn. It’s all right.”

“You’ll be glad you went,” Willow encouraged her. “You never know, you might meet someone.”

“I dunno, maybe I should put in some extra training hours.” Buffy turned to Giles. 

“You should go, have some fun,” he replied. 

“Okay, if that’s what everyone wants. Fun times here I come.” 

Alone with Giles in the training room Buffy started going through her martial arts sets automatically, letting muscle memory take over. She wanted to tell Giles she didn’t want to go to the party, she wasn’t interested in meeting anyone. But then he’d just tell her again that she should go, that it was for the best. Maybe he was right. Maybe she did need someone new. 

Giles could tell something was wrong but he didn’t know what he could possibly say.


	7. Chapter 7

Giles found he was drinking less, which he supposed was a positive side-effect of not being with Buffy. He hadn’t realized it, but it hadn’t just been fear of being found out that had frayed his nerves — just being in love with the Slayer was nerve-wracking. The space between them was giving him a chance to recover. But at the same time he missed the closeness they used to have. He reassured himself with the thought that their emotional connection could be rebuilt once they got used to the new status quo — which really was just the old status quo afterall, wasn’t it? — and that physical connection was not a prerequisite for emotional connection. 

But he did also miss the physical connection, and quite a bit. He never let Buffy see how much he wanted her, but when he was alone at night and couldn’t sleep he would imagine making love to her. Each time he told himself that it was the last time. He really had to stop thinking about her like that. 

His conscience still nagged at him when he talked to Joyce, but it was getting better. 

Then Joyce passed away.

For Giles, nothing fundamental changed — Mrs. Summers’ presumed judgement upon their relationship was true whether she was there to pass that judgement or not. He never considered getting back together with Buffy. In fact, Giles easily stepped into a paternal role for Buffy and Dawn. He filled out paperwork, drove them to appointments, was simply there throughout everything. He imagined the tedium of the entire ordeal must have made it all even more unbearable for Buffy and Dawn. He did whatever he could to make it easier. Buying the casket was especially irritating, the salesman was insipid. Giles dealt with him so Buffy wouldn't have to. Afterwards, he drove them back home. 

The car ride was silent, aside from Buffy occasionally vocalizing things she still needed to do before the funeral, reminding herself of all her tasks. Dawn rested her forehead against the window and stared sullenly. When Giles pulled into the driveway Dawn left the car like she couldn’t get inside the house fast enough. Buffy watched her like she was seeing her through a fog. She turned to Giles.

“Do you want to come in for some tea?” she asked. 

He wanted to go home and sleep but he could see she wanted him around. “Sure.”

They met Dawn at the front door and Buffy opened it to let them in.

“Do you want some hot cocoa, Dawn?” Buffy asked as they went inside.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Dawn muttered sulkily and stalked up the stairs. 

Buffy watched her go, her brow furrowed. They heard Dawn’s bedroom door close. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with her,” Buffy said sadly.

“She needs time and space to process. It won’t be like this forever,” Giles said, gentle and reassuring. He almost put an arm around her but stopped himself. “I’ll put on the tea,” he said instead, and headed towards the kitchen. 

Buffy followed him. “I know. But even when she does process… How can I take care of her, Giles? I’m not even a real grown-up.” 

Giles was putting the kettle on, so Buffy didn’t see him get flustered at her statement. He collected himself before replying. “You’re selling yourself short.” He turned and looked at her sincerely. “You’re incredibly capable. And I’ll always be here to help you.”

Buffy looked at him like she wanted to say something, like she wanted to ask him to make it a promise, but she hugged him instead. He wrapped his arms around her; he couldn’t see the relief on her face when he did, and she couldn’t see his uncertainty and anxiety. They stayed in each other’s arms, because they didn’t want to move, and because if they did move there was the possibility that something else would happen between them besides a hug. 

Finally the kettle started to whistle and Giles broke away. 

“What kind of tea do you want?” he asked, sounding very proper, like he was putting up barriers.

“Giles…” Buffy started.

He froze. He was afraid she was going to start talking about them. Things were simple between them now and he wanted to leave it that way. He wasn’t happy, but he had a well-defined place in Buffy’s life, with guidelines and boundaries. As much time as he was spending with her, as often as she wrapped her arms around him looking for comfort, he didn’t want those boundaries crossed. 

But Buffy hesitated, she looked around the kitchen like she was searching for what to say and not finding anything. “Um… I think we have some herbal stuff. I’d like that.”

***

After the funeral ended Buffy stayed by her mother's grave. The friends and guests filed away. Giles asked if she wanted him to stay with her.

"I want to be alone," she replied. 

He nodded, understanding, and left with the others. 

To be alone was a relief. She had kept up a strong facade for everyone, and now, at last, she could let it fall. Only she didn't. It was terrifying to stop faking being strong. 

Night fell. Darkness crept over the cemetery. Buffy noticed it got colder but she didn't quite seem to feel it. She stayed by the grave. She knew Angel would be there soon. 

She felt him there before she saw him, before he even spoke. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner," he said. 

She took his hand. It was a like a missing part of herself had returned. At last she could be herself, without the walls she had built around her. She leaned in to Angel and he put his arms around her, and it felt like coming home. 

They sat under the wide branches of a nearby tree and Buffy told him everything she was feeling, everything she was afraid of, every word she spoke taking a bit of weight off of her. In reply he didn't tell her anything she didn't already know deep down, but it sounded more convincing coming from him, in his calm and steady voice. They talked for hours. 

"There's something else that's really confusing me too," Buffy said after a while. She spoke haltingly. She wasn't sure she could talk to him about this but he had been such a comfort to her, she thought she could try. "I kept things from her. And now I feel guilty, I don't know what to do about it. I know that's really vague, but..."

"What you kept from her... was it Giles?" he asked gently. 

Buffy stared at him. "How..."

Angel looked awkward. "I can smell him on you."

"That's an exciting new party trick," she said quietly.

"It's not new, I just don't talk about it. It kinda freaks people out."

"I can't imagine why," Buffy deadpanned. "But… we've just been spending a lot of time together lately,” she explained. “He's been helping out with things." She had been depending on Giles, and he'd been there for her through everything, but it felt like he was always keeping a distance between them. Even when he would hug her it was like he wasn’t quite there, and that distance hurt. 

Buffy considered leaving her explanation there. She could just continue to speak in vague generalities. Though Angel had sounded so understanding, and she _wanted_ to be able to tell him everything. "But we were together," she admitted. She watched Angel’s face, he looked a little sad, but that was all. It was a relief to be able to talk to him. "We broke up because he didn't like lying to her." 

"And now?"

That was the problem. She couldn't go back to Giles now, she couldn't get something she wanted because her mother had died. "It feels wrong to get back together, now that..." she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence, so she deflected. "I'm sorry... you don't want to hear about my relationship issues."

Angel held her a little tighter, as if to say she shouldn’t worry about it. "He makes you happy?" he asked. 

"He did," she said quietly. 

"It's not disrespectful to be happy," he said gently. "She'd want you to be happy, and so do I. I know how much he cares about you." The shadow of a smile flickered over his face. "He's not my first choice for you, but..."

"Who is?" She looked into his eyes, those deep brown eyes she used to get so lost in.

He shrugged slightly. "If things were different..."

"If things were different..." Buffy repeated. She felt like she was falling into his eyes. "Everything would be different." It would be him, it would always be him. She kissed him, his lips as cold as the night air around them, but when he kissed her back he warmed her to her core. 

The horizon began to glow. Angel would be leaving soon. 

"Thank you," she whispered to him. “I don’t know how I would have made it through this night without you.” 

“I can always be here for you, whenever you need me.”

Angel left, and Buffy walked home through the mist and grey light of the early dawn feeling slightly lighter. 


	8. Chapter 8

There was a moment of hope, when Buffy thought Dawn’s spell had worked and their mother would somehow return, but it evaporated when she opened the door and found nothing there. That moment of hope tore Buffy down. She and Dawn cried together, she cried until she was empty, a thin shell, she felt like she could float away. Somehow she had to pull herself back together and weigh herself down to make it through to the next day. 

Dawn behaved very kindly to her after that. It was nice, but it didn’t help Buffy feel any less surreal. 

Giles came over in the evening and made them dinner. He talked lightly about inconsequential things and got a laugh out of Dawn describing some of the characters they got coming into the Magic Box. Buffy listened to his voice without hearing what he was saying, like it was white noise, soothing and grounding, like the wind or the rush of the ocean. Thoughts were starting to come together in her mind of what she wanted to say to him, about how she missed him, and could he please just stay with them always. 

After dinner Buffy asked Dawn if she was keeping up with her school work. 

“More or less,” Dawn replied.

Buffy frowned. “So is it more or is it less?”

“I don’t have to go back to school until next week.”

“So do your work now and you won’t have to worry about it later.”

“Or I could just not worry about it at all.”

Buffy sighed. “Okay… do your work now and _I_ won’t have to worry about it later.”

“Fine,” Dawn said, getting up from the kitchen island. 

“Do you need help?” Buffy called after her.

“It’s history homework,” Dawn called back from the front hall where she had left her backpack and books. “You’ll only hinder.” 

“I could help,” Giles offered as Dawn returned.

“I’m fine, guys,” Dawn said, exasperated but with a slight smile that said she appreciated the attention. She pulled her books out and spread them out in front of her. 

“We’ll let you concentrate,” Buffy said, tugging on Giles’ sleeve for him to follow her. When they were in the hallway she asked him, “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course,” he replied. 

Buffy ticked her head to indicate she wanted to go upstairs. Giles followed her. 

“I just don’t want Dawn to overhear,” she said in a low voice. 

Giles furrowed his brow in concern, following Buffy up the stairs. She led him to her room. It was his first time there. He shut the door behind them and glanced around. Posters in pretty colours and decals of butterflies decorated the walls, her bed looked lacy with its curly-cued frame and crocheted pillowslips, table lamps with coloured paper shades cast dim pools of bluish light, and softly lit Buffy’s face. She seemed nervous. 

“What’s wrong?” Giles asked. 

“Nothing,” she reassured him. “It’s just… I miss you.”

Giles’ heart sank. This was what he had been worried about. She looked at him with sad, pleading eyes and he wanted to go to her, wrap her tight in his arms, but he needed to do the right thing. He had given in too easily before, that first night he had spent with Buffy. He couldn’t do that again. He felt an impulse to simply leave, it would make it all easier. He didn’t.

“I haven’t gone anywhere,” he said, his speech stilted. “I’m always here for you.” 

“It hasn’t been the same, though. You know it hasn’t. It’s like you’re always an arm’s length away.”

She was right, Giles was sorry to realize, not that it changed anything. “But Buffy, everything we said before...”

“We were freaking out before. Everything we said could be wrong. We don’t know what’s going to happen. Anything could happen. _Anything_ could happen,” she repeated.

Giles knew she was thinking of her mother dying suddenly, and how every day something could happen to either of them and that would be the end. And he thought of Jenny, and all the regrets that haunted him still, and what good was all his reason and reserve anyways?

Buffy didn’t seem so nervous anymore, like she could see his resolve crumbling away, like she knew he wouldn’t argue with her anymore. “All I know is right now,” she said decisively, but with emotion cracking her voice. “And right now this is worse. I’m so lonely.”

And what good was he if she looked at him like that and he didn’t go to her, if she needed to be loved and he didn’t love her in every way he could? Giles didn’t give in, not like before, he made a decision, he decided that he would be whatever Buffy needed him to be. He went to her and drew her close. 

“I missed you too,” he breathed. 

She nuzzled her face against his shoulder, relieved and comforted to be close to him. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. She turned her face up and kissed him. He felt like he must have forgotten what kissing her was like, or she had never kissed him quite like that before. Giles wanted to love her selflessly, as if loving her was a sacrifice, but the way she kissed him made him feel like there would always be something selfish about how he loved her.

Buffy didn’t feel _happy_ when Giles kissed her back, but for a fraction of a moment she felt _present_. For the first time since her mother died she was connected to her body and experiencing the world through it. She needed that moment back. He kissed her gently, carefully. She bit at his lips and dragged her nails down his back and hoped he would take the hint and match her. She pulled back just enough to look at him and saw his eyes flicker like flames. That was what she wanted. 

Buffy pulled him onto the bed. She took off his glasses and dropped them onto the nightstand and when she kissed him he held her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily back. But when she slid her hand up under his sweater he stopped. He took her wrist and pulled her hand away.

“Buffy, it’s not that I don’t want to—” he started.

“We’ll be quiet.” Buffy said. She slipped her wrist out of Giles’ grasp. She took his hand and held it down on the bed. 

“I mean emotionally, it might not be the right time…”

Buffy gripped his wrist and pushed down. His eyes grew wide, he realized he wouldn’t be able to move his arm if he tried. His heart raced.

“I’m not vulnerable,” Buffy said. She let go of him. “And you’re not taking advantage of me.” She just looked at him, her face inches from his. 

His heartbeat hadn’t slowed down. He tangled his fingers into her hair and pulled her into a kiss. She tilted over onto the bed, pulling him on top of her. 

“Tell me what you want,” he breathed against her lips. 

“Make me feel like you love me.”

“I do love you.” He pressed his forehead against hers, and his voice was hoarse and low. “You know I love you.”

“Then make me feel like it.”

Buffy let herself get lost in him, his mouth, his hands, his heartbeat; the pure sensation of it; all that mattered was that he was touching her, that he was inside her, and the feeling that was building in her, like a sharp mountain driving upwards from the earth until it pierced through — and all the feelings that she had been pushing down suddenly came to the surface — her grief and fear, and feelings from before her mother died too, her anger at Giles for leaving her — she started crying. 

Giles was shocked. “Buffy? I’m sorry,” he said, desperately. “I’m sorry. What’s wrong?” 

Buffy covered her face with her hands. “I’m fine,” she wept. 

Giles lay besides her and tentatively pet her hair, looking confused. 

Eventually Buffy cried herself out, her breathing started to return to normal. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I guess you were right. I am vulnerable.” 

“I’m sorry...”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry, that was really weird.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Giles said awkwardly. 

They stayed in silence. Giles watched Buffy’s face. Buffy stared at the ceiling, trying to understand what she was feeling, wondering if she could explain it even if she did understand. 

Buffy opened her mouth as if to say something, and stopped. She started again, “Giles? Are your parents still alive?” 

Giles blinked, a little taken aback. “No.” 

She turned to him. “What happened to them?” she asked tentatively. “If you don’t mind saying?”

Giles just looked at her for a moment. “I think I do mind.” He spoke gently and stroked her hair. “But I remember what you’re going through.” 

He looked kind and understanding, but Buffy felt like maybe she had said the wrong thing anyways. 

He started collecting his clothes and getting dressed. Buffy did the same.

“I guess you’ll be going?” she said, her voice thin and awkward like she was still embarrassed. 

“I don’t have to,” he said. “It’s not like I have anywhere to be. We could, uh, watch television?” 

Buffy nodded. She didn’t smile but she looked grateful. She held his hand as they left her room, but let go when they reached the stairs. They could hear the sound of the television from downstairs. 

Dawn looked up at them as they reached the living room. “I was just taking a break!” she said defensively. “I’m almost done any—” She stopped when she saw Buffy’s face, her eyes still red. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded awkwardly. “Just, you know, emotions. Got lots of ‘em right now.”

“Can we join you?” Giles asked. 

Dawn nodded and moved over on the couch. “It’s _Friends_. It’s not a very good episode though.”

“Just what I’m in the mood for,” Buffy said. She sat next to Dawn and Giles sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she leaned against him. She felt Dawn cuddle up close to her. After _Friends_ they watched another sitcom, and another. Eventually Dawn fell asleep, her head on Buffy’s lap. A black and white movie was playing, but Buffy wasn’t paying attention to it. She was focused on Dawn’s breathing, and Giles’ fingers drawing paths up and down her arm.

“Are you still awake?” Giles asked softly.

“Mm hm.” Buffy replied. She wasn’t sure he heard her, it was a minute before he spoke again. 

“My mother died young,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was eighteen and away at school. I blamed my father, for reasons that didn’t actually make sense. He died ten years ago.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“It was all a long time ago,” he said almost dismissively, like he really didn’t want to talk anymore. Buffy watched his face, impassive in the flickering light of the TV, and wondered how much of himself he kept hidden. She felt like they had more in common than she had ever thought about, she would have liked to have asked him more. 

“Why did you decide to tell me?” 

He turned to her. “You wanted to know.” 

“I’m glad you did,” Buffy said sincerely. “There’s a lot I don’t know about you.”

He looked almost bemused, like he was confused by her being interested in him. “I’ll tell you some time.”

“Good.” Like his voice grounded her and his touch made her feel present, Giles sharing his past drew Buffy out of herself. She felt closer to him, and he held her down, like an anchor. Buffy laid her head on his shoulder. 

They stayed that way until they fell asleep.

The TV broadcast turned to static, then to cartoons. Sunlight poured in through the window and Dawn cracked her eyes open. She watched brightly coloured characters through her eyelashes, not wanting to reach the time when her sister would wake up.


	9. Chapter 9

The desert at night was not the empty expanse of monotonous sand that it was during the day. At night the desert was full of sounds and shadows. Giles kept looking over his shoulder as he waited by his car, hoping to see Buffy returning every time. He’d been there for hours. He wondered how long spirit quests usually took, and maybe he should have brought some real supplies afterall. The temperature was dropping. He got into the back of his convertible, the roof up, buttoned up his jacket and wrapped his arms around himself. He tried to stay awake, Buffy could be back any minute, and she’d surely have important information from… whatever was supposed to happen. Giles wasn’t too sure what that was. His brain was starting to feel foggy with sleep. It wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes for just a minute. 

***

Back in Sunnydale Xander and Anya came back to their apartment from covering Buffy’s patrol. They were keyed-up, especially Xander. Willow and Tara became worried as soon as they saw him, and it only got worse when he told them that Buffy had basically gone insane. Tara tried to bring some perspective to the situation, reminding everyone that Buffy was going through a lot right now —

And then Anya told them, “Buffy’s boinking Spike.”

Tara looked confused. “What about Giles?” she asked without pausing to think. Her eyes went wide as Willow and Xander turned to her.

“What?” Xander said, scrunching his face into a confused squint. 

“Nothing,” Tara said briskly. “I didn’t say anything. That’s _insane_ about Spike...”

Willow was still staring at her. “Buffy is sleeping with Giles?” she asked quietly.

“No,” Xander clarified decisively. “She’s having sex with Spike. Completely different. Still disturbing, but in a different way.”

“Buffy and Giles is also a thing that’s happening,” Anya explained. She turned to Tara. “I guess we’re not keeping it a secret anymore?” 

“That was never a thing that’s happening,” Xander insisted. 

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Willow asked Tara, looking hurt. 

“It is,” Anya told Xander. “Remember I said they were acting sneaky? I was right.” 

“She was worried about how you would react,” Tara explained, looking from Willow to Xander and back. “She said she was happy the way things were and didn’t want everyone getting upset.” 

“How do you know?” Willow asked. 

“Anya found out. I was just there.”

“I asked. I was right.” 

Xander was looking very lost. “This is making something that doesn’t even resemble sense.”

“It makes sense…” Willow said a little distantly. “They were kind of into each other. I guess more than kind of.”

 _“What?”_ Xander was as confused as ever. 

“I think we’re getting distracted from the actual problem,” Anya interjected impatiently. “Which is Spike.”

“Right,” Tara added. “Buffy and Giles, they love each other. But this thing with Spike… Buffy must really be in a bad place.” 

***

Giles woke up to the bright desert sunrise beaming into his eyes, and realised he wasn't alone in the car.

"Jesus!" He nearly jumped out of his skin.

"What? What's wrong?" Buffy said drowsily. She was curled up at the other end of the back seat. 

"Nothing," Giles said, catching his breath. "When did you get back?"

"I dunno... feels like I haven't slept at all," she groaned.

"Do you want another hour?" Giles asked, his tone gentle now. 

"No, I'm sick of this desert. Let’s go.”

As they drove back to town Buffy told Giles about her experience with the spirit of the First Slayer. He listened intently, the line between his eyebrows getting deeper as she talked.

"Tell me again what it said?" He asked. 

Buffy listed off the main points, "I'm full of love. Love will lead me to my gift. Death is my gift. And I'm guessing it doesn't come with a receipt for return. What do you think it means?"

"I wish I knew..." Giles' first thought was that he loved Buffy and he would lead her to her death. But that was just his job description. Buffy didn't need a spirit guide to tell her that. 

"Why do spirits have to be so cryptic? They’re way too wrapped up in the whole mumbo jumbo vibe. Clear communication. That’s all I ask for.”

"I'm sorry it wasn't more enlightening. I'm sure the meaning will reveal itself," Giles said, only half-convinced of what he was saying himself. He saw a roadside diner coming up and realized they hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before. "Do you want breakfast?"

"God yes, I'm starving."

The diner had a well worn linoleum floor and chrome accents on everything that had long ago lost their shine. Most of the customers seemed to be truck drivers, bolting down food so they could get back on the road as quickly as possible. It reminded Buffy of where she had worked when she ran away to L.A., though to be fair it seemed cleaner than that place had been, and the smell of coffee and bacon made her expect that the food might actually be good.

“Now I can’t complain that you never take me anywhere,” Buffy commented as they sat down at a table overlooking the highway. 

Giles furrowed his brow a little and cocked his head. "Do you want me to take you somewhere?" 

Buffy shrugged. "I mean... that's what couples do, right?"

The corners of Giles’ mouth twitched up slightly. "So I've heard." 

"And we are a couple,” Buffy said wryly. 

"I suspected as much."

"So..."

"Where do you want to go?"

They made date plans over breakfast. Movies, dinners, long walks; Giles wanted to go to the museum, Buffy wanted to go to a concert. Giles suggested they take a trip together one day. "After you defeat Glory, of course."

"Yeah... “ Buffy looked down at her plate and pushed her food around with her fork. “When that happens…” she said, uncertainty and sarcasm creeping into her voice. She looked up at Giles again, he scanned her face with a look of concern. She plastered over her uncertainty with a smile. “When that happens I am definitely going to need a vacation." 

She asked him where they would go and enjoyed making plans for things that would probably never happen. 

***

Buffy was already feeling lousy about her confusing and ominous talk with the First Slayer, and her day only got worse when she got back home and found that Spike had made a sextoy with her face on it, and then Spike had also been kidnapped by Glory and there was a good chance he would tell her anything she asked about the Key, about Dawn. 

After some teamwork and violence everything turned out more or less all right. They got Spike back — a lot worse for wear — and the robot, Buffy was pleased, was toast. Buffy, Willow, Dawn, Tara and Anya were examining it in the Magic Box when Xander and Giles came back from taking care of Spike. 

“What did you guys do with Spike?” Buffy asked. “And please let the story have a dusty ending.” 

“We dumped him back in his crypt,” Xander replied. "Now Giles just has to come clean about _his_ Buffybot and we can bring an end to this whole wacky, mentally-scarring chapter."

Giles turned on Xander, disgusted. _"Excuse me?"_

Xander seemed reassured by how offended Giles was. "Some of the girls seem to think, uh…” he searched for a tactful phrasing, “your training sessions have gone horizontal. If you know what I mean. So if we can just clear up that misconception..."

Giles froze, wide-eyed. 

Buffy turned to Anya with an accusing look. 

"It was Tara, not me,” Anya said defensively.

Buffy turned to Tara, incredulous, her eyebrows raised. 

"I didn't mean to,” Tara said apologetically. 

Xander was taking in everyone’s reactions, a lot less reassured now. "So... not so much a misconception then."

Buffy let out a sigh between clenched teeth. "Dawn, can you please go to the training room and wait for me there?" 

SIlent and shocked, Dawn didn’t move.

"You shouldn't keep secrets from her, Buffy,” Willow said. 

"I don't want to talk about who I'm—” Buffy’s eyes darted to Dawn and she stopped herself, “in front of my baby sister.” 

"Kinda too late,” Dawn said, her voice small.

Buffy threw her hands up. "Okay. Fine.” She stalked over to the stairs to the book loft and sat down heavily. “Let's hear all of your opinions about my lovelife! Let's get this over with."

No one spoke. 

Buffy kept her eyes on Giles, expecting him to turn and leave, like he had before. If he did she would stop him, she wasn’t going to go through this alone. His posture was tense, his shoulders raised and his hands in his pockets, and he stared at the floor. 

No one else looked at each other. 

Finally, Willow spoke, her tone careful and measured. "Maybe you think this is none of our business, Buffy, or you were worried about how we'd react. But when you hide big things like this... I feel like you don't trust us. We're your friends, we care, we don't judge —"

"I'm judging," Xander interjected.

Willow turned to him, galled. "Xander!"

"What? I'm weirded out. I don't get it, I don't get what's happening."

"We like each other,” Buffy snapped. “There's not that much to explain."

"How long?" Dawn asked, her voice tense. "How long have you been together?"

Buffy sighed and leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. Her tone changed, she answered Dawn patiently. "Since a few weeks after Riley left. On and off."

"And..." Dawn turned to Giles without making eye contact, "how long have you been in love with her?"

Giles blinked, and his eyes darted about nervously, though he didn’t raise his gaze from the floor. "Um... I don't know... uh..."

"About a year and a half?" Buffy suggested.

Giles looked at her, surprised.

"That's when I started noticing," Buffy explained. 

He was turning red, embarrassed that Buffy had known about how he felt for a lot longer than he realized. “More or less.”

"That's some time," Dawn said.

"Do you not trust Giles?" Buffy asked. She looked up from Dawn and gazed around the room; she was asking everybody. 

Giles’ jaw tensed as he braced himself for the answer, and he cast his gaze at the ground again, unable to look at anyone. Willow shifted in her chair and Xander started to pace. 

"How do I trust people who lie to me?" Dawn said. 

“ _I'm_ the one who wanted to lie, Dawn,” Buffy said adamantly. “I just wanted to... avoid all this. This all happened because it was what _I_ wanted." 

"You're weird." Dawn was still tense, but the way she spoke, Buffy felt there was a hint that everything would be all right. 

She smiled ever so slightly. "What else is new."

"To be honest..." Willow said gently, "I'm not the mostest surprised I've ever been. Maybe the scare with Spike lessened the shock, but... I'm not surprised."

Buffy looked at her gratefully and Willow gave her an awkward smile. 

Xander laughed dryly. "This does make Spike being in love with you even funnier." 

Buffy stared at him. 

Xander shrugged. "So I was shocked. I jumped to conclusions. I made assumptions. I forgot that I know you both pretty well,” He looked from Buffy to Giles and back, and spoke sincerely, “and based on what I know, you probably have a pretty healthy relationship." 

Buffy looked relieved. Giles was still staring at a fixed spot on the floor, but his posture relaxed. 

"To be clear though,” Xander continued, “if I see any PDAs I will gag, and violently."

"Same," Dawn piped in. 

Buffy turned to her sister. "Are you okay with this, Dawn?" she asked intently.

"If you're not... uh..." Giles started

Buffy turned to him with concern, not sure what he was suggesting. Dawn noticed the look of worry on her sister's face. 

"I want Buffy to be happy," Dawn said. "If you're in love..."

Buffy shrugged. "We are." 

"Still really weird. But I'm okay." She gave her sister a faint, uncertain smile. 

Buffy sighed and looked around the room. “Okay then…” That had been something. But not as bad as she had feared. She felt lighter. “Back to business.” She turned to Xander and Giles. “Did you find out what Spike told Glory?”

They had not, and all the relief Buffy was feeling turned to anxiety. She had to know what Spike had let slip, and she didn’t trust him enough — or at all — to simply ask. He’d just lie to save his skin… unless he didn’t know he was talking to her. Buffy’s stomach turned at the thought of it, but dressing up as the robot was her best shot at getting the truth out of Spike.

*

“Okay, how do I look?” Buffy asked her friends when she emerged from the training room in the robot’s pink getup. 

“Like you?” Xander replied. “Which I guess is the point?”

“As if I’d ever wear these shoes with this skirt.”

“You are a bit too _you_.” Willow said. 

Anya nodded in agreement. “Less mobility in the elbows and neck would sell it.”

Buffy walked back and forth and smiled mechanically and everyone agreed she was convincingly robot-like. Or almost everyone. Buffy noticed Giles was silent, his face held in a subtle grimace. He clearly didn’t like Buffy’s plan, but wasn’t going to say anything about it. 

“Okay, wish me luck,” Buffy said to her friends, with the grim attitude of someone about to go in for dental work. “Dawn, close your eyes,” she added. 

“What?” Dawn said, confused, but when Buffy walked over to Giles she realized what was going to happen and shut her eyes tight. 

Buffy pulled on Giles’ jacket and pecked him on the lips. Xander started hacking loudly. Giles froze and turned red. 

“You’re gonna have to get used to it,” Buffy said as she walked out of the store, leaving everyone feeling very awkward.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go listen to "I'm Easy" by Keith Carradine.  
> The other song in this chapter is "Your Song" but everybody already knows that one.

“Anya! Excellent!” Giles greeted Anya as she entered the Magic Box on Saturday morning, and she was a little taken aback by how upbeat he was. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he talked. “Can you close out on your own tonight? I’d like to leave early.”

“Leave now if you want,” she said bluntly.

“I appreciate the accommodation,” Giles replied wryly. “But I only need about an hour.” He fought back a smile and added, “Buffy and I are going to a movie.”

“Oh, yeah, you’ll definitely need the time to go home and change,” Anya said as she put her things behind the counter.

Giles’ smile disappeared. “What?”

“You’re not going dressed like that are you?”

“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” He looked down at his outfit, which was the same kind of suit he wore every day.

Anya shrugged. “It’s fine if you’re going to a middle-aged shop-keeper’s convention.”

“What if I take off the tie?” he asked, raising his hand towards his tie.

“It’s the same look but without a tie.”

“Jeans?” he suggested hopefully.

“Yeah.” Anya nodded. “Then you’ll look like the cool dad. Which is an improvement on the not-cool dad.”

Giles glared at Anya. Anya didn’t notice.

“Well what would you suggest?” he asked.

She cocked her head and squinted at him. “Are all your suits cut like that?” She gestured vaguely.

“Like what?”

_“That.”_

Giles huffed indignantly. “You know what? Buffy is already familiar with how I look and dress, and yet, – god knows why – she likes me anyways. So I don’t believe this is a useful critique.” He turned away, heading to the kettle besides the research table.

“True.” Anya sighed. “We’re all used to men not making an effort. You’re fine.”

Giles stopped in his tracks. He thought about the menswear store that was across the street and two doors down. “Anya,” he said, defeated, “will you go shopping with me?”

“Now?” She looked at Giles like he was crazy. “Leave the store?”

“I’ll pay you time-and-a-half.”

Anya hesitated, weighing her options. “Okay.”

*

Giles bought a slim-cut heathered grey suit that he was very happy with, and a light cashmere sweater to wear with it. It looked cool, but in a sophisticated, not-trying-to-be-young way. The salesman then talked him into buying new shoes and a belt, and Anya pointed out that he couldn’t wear the same outfit on all his dates, and the result was that they returned to the Magic Box an hour later with Giles carrying several shopping bags.

He put the bags down behind the counter and looked at them all with his brow furrowed, as if only just realizing how much he had bought. “I think I may have gone a tad overboard.”

Anya waved his concerns away. “No, you needed this.”

“I shouldn’t get so carried away,” Giles said, more to himself than to Anya.

“Pshaw. Some new clothes aren’t going to kill you. Unless they’re made by the Elves of Tyrconnell.” Anya shrugged. “But those are woven of cursed golden thread, not a natural fibre blend.”

“I shouldn’t be caring about things like this.” Giles paced out from behind the counter, annoyed with himself. “There’s a literal hell-god we have to deal with. I can’t let dating Buffy distract me from being her Watcher.”

“So return the clothes. Cancel the date.”

Giles stopped pacing. He was silent a moment before replying. “But she wants to go,” he said quietly. “I want to go.” 

Anya rolled her eyes. “Then stop being such a buzzkill about it. You’re so uptight, you definitely haven’t stopped being a Watcher.”

***

"Hey! Thanks for coming over!" Buffy greeted Willow and Tara as she let them into the house. 

"Don't mention it! It is not to be mentioned. Always happy to spend time with Dawnie," Willow replied. 

"Where is she?" Tara asked. 

"Kitchen. Getting geared-up for the great cookie baking caper."

Tara raised her eyebrows. "Sounds like a job for adult supervision." And she went to join Dawn. 

Willow smiled at her friend. “You look great, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Buffy replied, going into the living room. Her hair was up in a ponytail, with the front strands pulled out to frame her face, and she wore a yellow halter dress that matched the highlights in her hair and made her skin glow. "You know, we haven't been on a date in... literally ever,” she said as she sat down on the sofa. “This'll be nice for him."

Willow sat next to her. "Nice for both of you, right?"

Buffy nodded slowly. "To be brutally honest, I'm not so much about the movies right now. I'm more about the couch and having my boyfriend bring me soup on the couch." 

Willow wrinkled her nose in a good-natured grimace. "Giles is your _boyfriend_." 

Buffy glared at her. "What else am I supposed to call him? Adult-grown-up-man-friend?" 

"Well, wouldn't your, uh, Giles-friend be happy to bring you soup?"

"He would, but I _do_ want us to have normal relationship things, and with Glory... We need to get the date nights in before it's too late."

"It's not going to be too late," Willow said seriously. "We're going to beat Glory." 

Buffy put on a bright face. "I know. But who knows when that'll be?"

"Yeah,” Willow said, only partially reassured. “Gotta seize that day." 

There was a knock on the door. Buffy jumped up to answer it.

"Thanks again, Will.”

"Hey, what did I say about no mentioning?"

Buffy opened the door and Giles was there waiting for her.

He lit up when he saw her. “Hello.”

“Hey Giles,” Buffy said, taking in Giles’ appearance and pleasantly surprised. “Uh, looking sharp.”

The compliment barely registered with him, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. “You look... um...” he trailed off.

She was amused by his lack of words. “Thanks.”

Neither of them moved. They stayed on opposite sides of the threshold, looking at each other. 

Willow stepped in behind Buffy. “Don’t you guys have, like, a date or something?”

“Right!” Buffy said as Giles blushed and shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Have to actually move to go to the movies.” She grabbed her jacket. “Goodnight, Will. We won’t be too late.”

Willow waved goodbye and shut the door behind them.

As they walked to his car, Giles turned to Buffy. “You look enchanting.”

“Yeah, I got that,” she replied confidently.

He gave her a fondly exasperated look as he opened the door for her and she got into the car. When he sat down in the driver’s seat she leaned over and pulled him into a kiss. It was just a short kiss, but then he kissed her back, and then it was hard to stop.

“You still want to go to the movie?” Giles asked, continuing to kiss her.

Buffy pulled away. She hesitated. “Yeah, I do,” she replied. “I wanna do the date thing,” she continued more surely. “Hold hands, share popcorn, the whole deal. It’ll be fun.”

***

Buffy was drying tears from her face when the movie ended and the house lights turned on. 

"Are you all right?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. Yeah," Buffy said, frustrated with herself. "I'm not usually such a waterworks at these things. I'm sorry. Bad, bad movie." She stood up. Giles followed and they started to file out of the theatre.

"Oh? I rather enjoyed it." 

"Really?" Buffy said, surprised. "When the singing started I was sure you'd tune out."

Giles shook his head. "Once you acclimatize to the artifice, I found it heightened the emotion of the thing. It was pure melodrama."

"And you're pro-melodrama?"

Giles shrugged. "I liked the movie."

"Still learning new things about you." 

"I can't give too much away," he said dryly. "I'm drip-feeding you information to keep you intrigued." 

Buffy bumped into him fondly. "You don't have to—"

"Buffy! Buffy Summers!" They were interrupted by a young man in all black approaching them from across the foyer. 

Buffy looked at him blankly.

"Owen Thurman!" he introduced himself as he reached Buffy.

"Oh my god! Owen!" Buffy said, her eyes wide. "I didn't recognize you with the hair and... tattoos..."

The young man's face clicked into place for Giles. He was the boy Buffy had been so eager to date in her sophomore year. He had longer hair now, which he had dyed black, and a full sleeve of tattoos. Running into someone from Sunnydale High while on a date with Buffy was Giles’ worst nightmare. He watched their reunion from six steps back.

"I'm glad I ran into you," Owen was saying to Buffy. "You know, when I heard about the school blowing up and all I was worried about you. It's always been in the back of my head. Now here you are!"

"In front of your head!" Buffy said brightly. 

"Do you want to get coffee?" Owen asked.

"Now?"

"Yeah! We can catch up!"

"Uh, not a good time for catching, actually. I'm here with someone. A friend." She gestured towards Giles. 

Owen squinted at him. "Mr. Giles?"

"Hello," Giles said stiffly.

Giles told himself Owen’s style transformation looked silly, but if he was being honest the look suited him, the black hair making his light eyes stand out. 

"Yeah... you guys were always hanging out together..." Owen said vaguely. He turned back to Buffy with a hopeful look. "But, some other time?"

"Can't think why not!" She said with a wide smile. "You still have my number?"

Owen nodded. "I'll give you a call."

Giles stared straight ahead as they walked outside and told himself it was stupid to be jealous — if Buffy reconnected with a boy she liked, that was a good thing. Didn't he know their relationship was a mistake? That Buffy should be with someone younger? That she should leave him?...

"Remind me to tell Dawn to screen our calls the next few weeks," Buffy muttered once they were clear of the theatre. 

Giles burst out in giggles. There had been a part of him that still hadn’t believed that Buffy really wanted _him_ — he was just convenient; Riley had left and he was there. He was so relieved to be wrong.

"What?" She shot him a perplexed sort of glare. "It's annoying, not funny."

He smiled at her fondly. "How is it you love me?" 

Buffy stared at him. "When I figure it out I'll let you know."

Since he first realized he had feelings for her, Giles had been fighting being in love with Buffy. He’d never stopped fighting it – as if it was something he had any hope of controlling. He finally admitted he had lost the fight, and for now he was happy to lose.

*

At the Espresso Pump Giles bought a latte and an Americano to go, and he and Buffy strolled around downtown Sunnydale holding hands and sipping coffee. On a Saturday night the sidewalks were scattered with couples, and the sky was filled with stars. When Buffy said something Giles thought was funny he would pull her close and kiss the top of her head, openly affectionate and not what she was used to. She liked it. 

One of the songs from the movie was stuck in Buffy's head. Without thinking she started humming. 

Absent-mindedly, Giles joined in, "...I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words—" He stopped, seeing Buffy watching him. 

"Keep going," she urged him.

"I don't usually have an audience," he said self-consciously, and took a drink of his Americano. 

"You liar!" she said indignantly, "I've seen you in front of an audience!"

He turned to her, disconcerted. "When was this?" 

"At the Espresso Pump last year. Willow dragged me there," Buffy admitted. "We sat outside and by the end I was imagining you crooning love songs to me."

Giles looked at her, disbelieving. "Were you?"

Buffy shrugged. "It kick-started my crush on you." 

A smile started to play about his mouth. He drew her close to his side as they walked and sang softly in her ear, "I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words..."

His voice was smooth and warm and Buffy felt like her insides were melting. She pulled him around to face her and kissed him briefly but enthusiastically. His eyes shone at her playfully. He sang another line and kissed her back. He sang snippets of songs to her and kissed her under all the watching stars, the musical interludes getting shorter and shorter. 

"Let's go back to my place," he said at last.

"Why?" she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice. 

"I have my guitar there, I can play you something."

It wasn't the answer Buffy was expecting, but she didn't mind. 

***

Giles let them into his apartment and switched on the light. 

"Any requests?" he asked. 

Buffy shook her head as she hung up her jacket by the door. "Just make me swoony." 

"No tall order," Giles said ironically.

Passing Giles' desk, Buffy noticed his diary laying open. His writing was small and the lines close together, but she could make out the word "Slayer" scattered across the page; she didn't see "Buffy."

She heard the clink of glass on glass and turned around, Giles was pouring himself a whisky. 

"You drink a lot," Buffy commented without thinking.

He shot her a look as he took his drink into the living room. "Not really."

"You know, the first step is admitting you have a problem," she said lightly, though there was a note of genuine concern in her voice. 

He took off his jacket and laid it over the back of his chair. "You'll prefer me with lowered inhibitions," he said, pushing up the sleeves of his sweater. 

Buffy stretched out on the couch, putting her feet up. "Why are you even inhibited by me?"

He pulled out his guitar and sat across from her. "I don't usually have an audience that I care about." He said the last part with emphasis. 

Buffy was appeased. She watched him tune the guitar, then start to play. She didn’t recognize the song, but it was sweet and simple. 

"...When your eyes throw light at mine, it's enough to change my mind, make me leave my cautious words and ways behind. That's why I'm easy..."

It felt like a confession, like he was expressing something beyond the meaning of the lyrics, something Buffy couldn't imagine Giles putting into words without music behind them.

Since she had known him there had been a very few times when Giles hadn't quite been Buffy’s Watcher, when she could see clearly the man who hadn't asked for any of this and struggled to do his best — and it always shocked her. Those times had always been in a crisis of some sort, but now he was making himself vulnerable for her just because. 

He finished the song and Buffy got up from the couch and took the guitar from him, placed it gently on the ground, and sat on his lap. She combed her fingers through his hair. He looked at her like he was melting at her touch.

"That was beautiful, Rupert," she said. 

Giles raised his eyebrows at her use of his first name. 

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Hm. Feels weird to call you that."

"I rather like it," he said with a bashful half-smile. 

She raised her eyebrows back at him and brushed her lips against his. "Mm, do you? Rupert?" she purred. 

He pulled her into a deep kiss. His tongue slid around hers, his arms wrapped around her. She pulled out her ponytail and he buried his fingers in her hair. They kissed for a long time, responding to each other like ebb and flow. His hands were warm against the bare skin of her back, on her thigh under her skirt.

She straddled his lap and rocked her body against his and felt him growing hard. She slipped away from him. 

"No, stay," he murmured.

"Come on, Rupert," she said, and ran up the stairs. 

He followed, and when he reached her in the loft he yanked her towards him and kissed her passionately.

Still kissing him, Buffy pulled Giles towards the bed and they fell onto it together, wrapped up in each other. He untied her halter and she slipped out of her dress, out of her underwear. He pushed her onto her back, kissing her fiercely. He trailed hard kisses down her body. She laced her fingers through his hair, raked her nails over his scalp, and he sucked on her clit and ran his tongue between the folds of her cunt until she was writhing. Grasping his hair she pulled his face up to hers.

"Take off your clothes, Giles," she said.

He smirked at her. "Make me."

"What?"

He rubbed his nose against hers and breathed against her lips, teasing her with an almost-kiss. "Go on, make me do what you want."

She hesitated. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I trust you."

Like she was being invited to play a game, her eyes sparkled mischievously. She shoved him back onto the bed, held down his arms and kissed him hard, plunging her tongue into his mouth. She pulled off his sweater, and moved to take off his pants. He started to sit up, but she pushed him down again, pressing her weight onto his shoulders.

"Stay," she said, and bit his lips.

His eyes burned at her.

She unfastened his belt and pulled off his pants and boxers together. She ran her hand over his cock, he was already fully erect and she wanted him inside her. She straddled his hips and slid onto him.

"God, Buffy," he breathed through his teeth.

It gave her a buzz to watch what his face did as she rode him. She always did enjoy getting a reaction out of him, and giving him a hard time. When he reached out to touch her she pinned his wrists down so all he could do was writhe underneath her.

"You know," Buffy said archly, "This would be more fun if you fought back more."

She almost laughed as Giles gave her a look that was annoyed and turned-on at the same time. He twisted his arms, breaking her hold. She quickly pinned him again. He broke her hold again and she pinned him again.

"You're toying with me," he complained with a smile.

"Uh, _yeah_ ," she said sarcastically, grinding against him.

She let him break her hold one more time, and he grabbed her waist. He flipped her onto her back, but she used their momentum to keep going, right to the edge of the bed — and came within an inch of bashing Giles' head into his nightstand.

"Oh no!" she cried out, her eyes wide, but laughed with relief when she realized it was just a close call. "Oh, I'm sorry!" Laughing, she rolled onto her back.

Giles leaned over her and grinned. “You should have better spatial awareness,” he teased.

She looked up at him with coy eyes. “Maybe it’s your fault for not training me bett— Oh,” she gasped as he thrust into her.

He kissed her and pressed his body down against hers as he rocked back and forth, his pelvis rubbing against her clit as he did.

"Oh... This is good," Buffy breathed.

He wasn't going hard, he just felt like he fit perfectly inside her. He continued until her head was swimming and her vision went blurry, and she gripped him tight and held his body still against hers, held him inside her.

"Just stay there, you're perfect right there."

She contracted around him, clenched him tight inside her again and again.

"Jesus Christ, Buffy..." He squeezed her shoulder, digging his fingers into her skin, and whispered a stream of blasphemies against her lips until he couldn't form words anymore, and she came with a short cry and halting breath. He kissed her adoringly.

*

They lay next to each other, warm and close in Giles’ bed, wrapped in each other's arms and trading kisses. Giles’ eyes travelled over Buffy’s face, like he was painting her face with his gaze. 

“Are you still wondering why I’m in love with you?” Buffy asked.

“It does remain a mystery to me.”

Buffy smiled softly at him. “I feel at home with you. Like you get me. Like I belong with you.”

"And I belong to you."

She pressed her lips gently against his. “My Watcher.”

"Just yours,” he whispered. “Just completely yours." 

He looked at her intently, and saw her turn thoughtful.

"Will future Watchers know we were in love?" she asked.

"They'll have to read between the lines.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him and Giles remembered how Buffy had known about his crush on her for months.

“Or maybe not.” He smiled. “Apparently I'm not as subtle as I thought." 

"I hope not,” Buffy said. “I want to be remembered as I am, as a real person who breathes and has a name and loves. Write me like that."

Giles studied her face for a moment. This was important to her. "I will,” he said, serious now.

“And...” Buffy hesitated a moment before continuing, “write about my last fight, Giles. It'll help the next girl, okay?”

He didn’t reply, he just looked at her, like he was frozen by the concept of her last fight.

“Promise?" Buffy asked again.

"I do.” His voice was rough. His face twitched in a nervous sort-of-smile, trying to be light. “Promise me that won't be for a very long time."

"I promise." It was a promise she had no way of keeping, but it meant something to them both that she promised it anyways.

She kissed him like that could make the promise real, and he kissed her like it was his last chance, as if he could say everything to her with a kiss that he never would with words. And when they stopped it felt as though something had changed, though nothing really had. 

“I don't wanna go,” Buffy said. 

Giles glanced at the clock on his nightstand. "You don't have to yet.” He brushed his hand over her hair. “We have a bit more time." 

"Play me another song?” She asked with a hopeful smile. “Something happy?"

"Whatever you like."


End file.
